They Left Us Everything by Plum Johnson

from goodreads

4 stars

While I am fairly youngish, 32, my parents are rather elderly. I was born late in their life as the youngest of six children. While my parents probably have quite a while to live, as some of my grandparents lived to be quite old, their mortality is still present in my mind.

While they are still doing well for their age they are definitely starting to slow down, be more cautious and need more help. Their memory is slowly going and they just aren't as with it as they once were, which I am not as patient about as I should be.

When they finally move from their house, or when they pass on, I am not looking forward to going through their stuff. My mom, more than my dad, is a collector of things. They aren't even particularly nice things or collectible things. It is just stuff. Walking into her house is sort of like walking into a community yard sale. And you know what, if that makes her happy I'm all for it. Unfortunately going through the stuff will be quite another thing. While most things will be donated or discarded we will still need to sift through everything as it is all sort of jumbled together. Really, who knows what kind of treasures we will find.

At least I have the comfort in knowing that when that time comes I won't be tackling it myself. I have other siblings who are as capable of moving stuff around as I am. It can be a team effort and not a solo expedition.

Synopsis

Plum Johnson has been looking after her parents for years. When her mother passes away she is filled with a sense of relief and yet has guilt as well. She decides to tackle clearing out her parents house and while doing so confronts her own conflicted feelings.

My Thoughts

This is a book that everyone caught in the sandwich generation should read. It is a mix of family history meets antiques meets therapy. She is fairly candid about her feelings, about her struggles with her parents, especially her mother, and her desires for her children. She shows the process of going through what parents leave behind and dealing with the estate.

I like how she touches on the subject of not really knowing someone, in this case a parent, until they are gone. As she read her mothers diaries she discovered her mothers fears, hopes and ambitions. I think it is this late discovery of how her mother truly felt about her that made the author long for more time with her parents, even though when her mother was still living it was hard too. The only people we really know are ourselves. When we see the outward shell of those around us it is hard to know if it is an act or them. We don't know what they are thinking or what makes them tick. Her mothers diaries and letters helped this author know more about her parents and in turn her own life.

It was also interesting to see how the actual things were dealt with. Somethings were heirlooms, or antiques or something not intrinsically valuable, yet it seems those less valuable items were what held the most sentimentality.

There were times when the story line of her time emptying her parents house got a bit lost and a bit overshadowed. She would often start talking about the life her parents lived, which, while interesting, isn't why I wanted to read the book. I was more interested in what Plum was going through than the history of her parents.

Over all it was an enjoyable read, one that I can definitely identify with.